Alignment

I’ve felt more anger in parenting than I expected. And I haven’t liked it.

If you are familiar with the Enneagram, I’m an Enneagram One, and part of that experience is that we suppress anger. So, I’ve approached this as my time to learn to embrace anger, to sit with it, and process it healthily.

At times, I have done just that, and it has been good to learn to do so. But it still lingers there, and it continues to bother me.

Until I read something the other day that said I’m not an angry mother, I’m just overstimulated.

And I thought, “Oh wow, that’s it!” Yes, I’m angry sometimes, and I’m learning to handle that better. But, I realized that most of the time I’m actually overstimulated.

Naming this didn’t take away the feeling I had, but naming it correctly helped make it more manageable. It took the emotion from holding me to me being able to hold it.

It’s a difficult process to explain to somebody who has never experienced it, but when we accurately name our emotions, there is a tangible shift. I went from this initial surging emotion that travels through my limbs to the tips of my fingertips and toes, labeling it anger, which then brought forth shame, overwhelm, fatigue, disappointment, and irritation, to having that same surging feeling, but now I label it overwhelm, and now I have compassion, empathy, understanding, and care come forth.

I had the same initial experience, but accurately naming helped shift my response significantly. And when anger does come up now, it’s much less frequent, so I no longer feel overwhelmed, shamed, and annoyed by it. I can handle it much better, too.

So, if you have an emotion that keeps coming up and feels like it’s taking control of you, I encourage you to sit with it some more. There’s a chance you may not be naming it right, and accurate naming could be a helpful step in making that emotion more manageable.