Wholly Beautiful

One of my favorite stops to make each week with my sons is the library. We fill our bags up, oftentimes with books about Santa, farms, and dogs, and bring them home for a week of new adventures. Recently, my oldest has gotten into the Magic Tree House series, so now several of those are often brought home, too.

And little did I know that this series would leave me with as much to ponder as it would my son.

This past week, we finished Tigers at Twilight in this series, and part of the book features Jack and Annie, the brother-and-sister protagonists, saving a tiger from a trap. Right after they saved the tiger from the trap, they were surprised to find it still trying to attack them.

They share this series of events with a hermit they come across, and he shares with them that, “When you saved the tiger, you saved all of him…You saved his graceful beauty — and his fierce, savage nature. You cannot have one without the other.”

I paused after I read that part, for only a moment, as my son quickly prodded me to keep reading. But my mind continued to remember this.

How often, in my perception of human healing and growth, do I expect it to be all graceful beauty? I want the good. I want the mature healing. I want the calm growth. And, fortunately, that is often there. I notice the deep breaths I take before interacting with one of my deregulated sons. I notice I don’t take a stranger’s shortness with me personally. I observe myself pausing my racing mind with anxieties I sometimes can’t even name.

While other times, I notice irritability, jealousy, stress, overwhelm, and anxiety. I respond harsher to my sons than I wish. I let anxiety underride my choices throughout the day. I lay in bed before sleep with my mind racing with ways I could have done things better throughout the day.

But, just like the hermit said, you cannot have one without the other.

So, may you and I find the delicate balance between allowing ourselves to be human and continuing to grow and better ourselves. May you and I find the intricacies of emotions and health to be beautiful rather than burdensome. And may you and I give space for the full breadth of the human experience within us, reminding ourselves that you often cannot have one without the other.