Easier and Better?

I go in and out of phases where I enjoy reading parenting books, and as I’m back in one, I’ve come across author Abbie Halberstadt, a Christian mother of 10 kiddos who has written several books. One of her books that caught my eye that I’ve read through is Hard is Not the Same Thing as Bad: The Perspective Shift that Could Change the Way You Mother.

Now, if you're not a mom or the fact that she’s a Christian is off-putting, stick with me because a big takeaway I have from her applies to anybody.

A question Abbie proposes, that I quite like and have been greatly challenged by, is “I know that if I simply quit _____________ (pick the hard that applies to you), my life would be easier. But would that be better?”

Sometimes, those two do align. Quitting something can be both easier and better for us. For example, when my boys and I get home from the grocery store, they excitedly ask for a snack plate of whatever foods we picked up that they like. I used to get this plate ready for them and then put all the groceries away, hoping I could get it done uninterrupted. But my mind hated that. I much preferred the order of getting all the groceries inside and put away, then getting them their snack plate. So, perhaps a lighthearted example to illustrate, but an example nonetheless, I got rid of doing the snack plate. At the same time, a pile of grocery bags surrounded me, and two boys enthusiastically shouted what foods they wanted. We had a conversation that mama needs to get everything put away, and then I will get right to getting some snacks out, but I need 5 minutes to get everything put away first. And it’s been glorious. Easier? Absolutely! Better? You betcha.

But sometimes something is enticingly easier, but it’s not really better for us.

We are starting to teach my oldest, who is almost 5, how to help around the house. His morning chores include getting himself ready and making his bed, and on Friday mornings he is expected to dust his room. He does not share my trait of experiencing immense peace when a to-do list is finished; instead, that boy would put off all of his chores all day if I let him. And so, most mornings, it is painstakingly tempting to make his bed for him or dust his room for him on Fridays. The thought of being able to checkmark morning chores or Friday deep clean flows through my veins, and I know it would take me less than a minute to get it done.

Would it be easier if I did it? 1000% yes.

But would it be better? Stubbornly, I admit it wouldn't

Lately, I’ve challenged myself not to do these things on my own. And spectacularly enough, he’s very close to making his bed with a finished product that rivals my own. It’s not on my timeline, but he’s started doing it often enough that he makes his bed pretty well now. And I hear him giggling in his room on Friday morning as he gets to climb on his bed and dust the bedframe that rises rather high.

Now, both examples I shared are about mothering, but this question is more generally applicable. So, when you find yourself contemplating something in your life and whether you should do it, I recommend you take Abbie’s question and ask yourself: would getting rid of that thing be both easier and better for you?